Podcast

For Season 4 (2021) Here to Thrive is going to be focused around monthly themes, and we’re starting with Adulting.

This episode is based on self-responsibility, avoiding procrastination, and taking actions to deal with the things that need to be dealt with. Specifically Kate covers:

• A definition of Adulting
• How she overcomes her own natural tendency to put off and procrastinate
• How denial keeps us stuck in inaction
• How action and facing our fears is the key to momentum
• How one simple question can help us live with greater ease

And so much more.

Kate also mentions the new Here to Thrive website. You can see that here at www.heretothrive.com. You can also join the monthly Here to Thrive newsletter here.

For the full text transcription, please see below

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#144: How to Adult Like a Pro

Kate: Hello Here to Thrive listeners. Welcome to 2021.  Oh my gosh. So many of us, I think, we’re really ready to get here and so far so good. I’m ‒ I’m okay with 2021 so far. 2020 was an interesting year. Let’s just say that one for the books. I think we’ll look back on it and it’ll be one we don’t forget when it comes to the lives that we have lived, but we had to from here. Oh my gosh I feel like I have so many updates.

To start with, I’m gonna be doing monthly themes with Here to Thrive moving into 2021. Those themes I will talk to and I will also have a guest that really speaks to each theme that we cover for the month. For February, I’m going to be releasing four episodes so you get like a double month. Yeah, I know. Love it! We’re starting with this theme which is on adulting. Then towards the end of the month we’re gonna be shifting to the theme of connection. So stay tuned for that.

The other thing I want to highlight is I am so excited because Here to Thrive ‒ I gave it its own web home. So for the longest time Here to Thrive has kind of been sitting under my consulting brand, it wasn’t working people. Now, Here to Thrive has its own website. I would love it so much if you would head over to heretothrive.com. I’m pretty sure you can remember that one right – heretothrive.com. I’m gonna be sending out a monthly resource newsletter. Like I hate newsletters seriously people. I subscribe to like two, two that I find useful. My dedication is that I will write a newsletter that is thought provoking and has a practical tool in it every month. It will follow the themes I’m talking about on the podcast but it will have content that differs. So I encourage you to head over there and make sure you are signed up to that newsletter if you’re not already on my mailing list. Heretothrive.com ‒ you can check it out there. It’s only gonna be once a month ‒ last day of the month. I feel like it’s nice to have like a little recap recentering before you head into the next month. So, last day of every month a little bit of inspiration from me in your inbox. 

Now over on the website, you’ve also got some free resources if you go to the Shop tab, you don’t have to pay anything for them. You can get some downloadable resources there. You can also see my bookshelf on Amazon. You know I always want to know what people are reading and I have that all for you there. So if you wanna nosey around on what I’m reading or what I have read, those are the books that are on my bookshelves. So you can go look at that virtually too under the Shop tab at Here To Thrive. But now to where we are at and what I am talking about today ‒ adulting. Now my intention with this episode is really to talk about the concept of being responsible, being self-reliant, and having some discipline. Now, not necessarily sexy topics, I get it, but they are very much the skills that can contribute to us feeling like we are on top of our crap and successfully navigating our way through life ‒ I think something that up as adulting works. So let’s talk some more about it.

Intro: Welcome to Here to Thrive. I’m your host Kate Snowise. This is a podcast for people who are ready to step up and live a happier life. It’s for those of us who are dedicated to understanding ourselves and getting the best that we can out of this thing called life. It’s a mix of psychology and modern spiritual thought always with a focus on practical advice so that you can take it back and apply it to your own life. I don’t believe we’re here to merely survive, I truly believe we’re here to thrive. So, let’s get going.

Adulting. Now, it’s a word that when I started doing a little Google search, it appears to get a bit of a bad rep like we’re all spoiled millennials who don’t know how to adult. I don’t agree with that, you know? I’m millennial- ish but so many of these kind of stay on top of my staff skills and just general life skills. I feel like I didn’t really know and I still don’t ‒ I’m working it out, please. So, I’m not sure if that kind of bad rep comes from the older generations but whatever. I’m all for this word and what it represents. To me that is getting your crap sorted people. It’s putting your ducks in a row. It’s staying on the front foot, however you want to put it. It’s taking care of what I like to call life admin.

Now, this does not come naturally to me in any way, shape, or form people. This is something that I very much have to put conscious if it into. Personality wise, I’m not naturally a structured or organized person. I am kind of that go-with-the-flow rather than rigidly-manage-my-life type. But there are potential downsides to this, and my natural tendencies can come and bite me in the butt. I have a natural tendency to want to postpone things. I like doing things at the last minute because I always reason like “Yeah, I could do it now but I can do it later, too.” Let me just tell you, it is a recipe for unnecessary stress. Also, if I don’t feel like I have an immediate answer to something or if I think it’s going to be difficult, my natural go-to is to want to kind of put my head in the sand and ignore it. Not a great strategy because when it comes to this life admin stuff, pretending that it doesn’t exist tends to only make things worse. Like you already know this, I get it, but the reason I’m being honest about my own tendencies here is I know I’m not the only person who is like this. But I do know also that the bill you didn’t pay doesn’t evaporate by you ignoring it. And your taxes don’t need to be filed and so on and so forth. Now, let’s be honest 2020 was a bit of a crap shoot for many people. I mean things were thrown into chaos and disarray in a way that none of us expected. When that happens, my go-to is to kind of throw my hands in the air and be like “Ah screw it all, I’m out.” But 2021, I’m starting this one off right. And I have been adulting like a pro people let me tell you. I mean that’s why we have split brands and I have a new website for Here to Thrive. It was super exciting to do but it was one of those projects that live in the back of my mind and I wanted to start this year off on the right foot, and so I got to action. Taking care of this stuff are things that set you up for success. The satisfaction you get from getting on top of the pile of difficult things, honestly on the backend it is so soothing. So that’s our theme for today ‒ taking personal responsibility, thinking about what you can do that your future self is gonna thank you for later, and moving towards taking the actions now that will ultimately make your life easier. Let’s get on to adulting like pros.

But where do we start? You’re like “Kate, that was really lovely. I like the pep talk. Now what do I do about it?” Yeah, I hear you. I think the definition, let’s get ‒ let’s get a shared understanding of what we’re talking about here. I know adulting as a verb is kind of relatively new and clearly not a legitimate word but I still managed to find a definition of it. The Oxford Languages Dictionary defines adulting as “the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks”. So basically what I get from that ‒ acting responsibly and taking care of your life admin.

So, let’s shift to how we actually apply these principles. I’m gonna start with what you probably shouldn’t do. Now I found this great quote on the Google net. It was unattributed but it’s though what-not-to-do version. So I quote “I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like other adults do.” Like aha! Recognize anyone in there? Denial people. Pretending our problems don’t exist. You can get them down the road right? It’s the “approaching life with the heat in the sand hoping that magically some unicorn is gonna pop up, make all of the hard stuff go away.” The magical thinking. Oh, I get it. I love numbing out. It’s one of my favorite maladaptive coping mechanisms but the taxes don’t go away people. Just saying. Just saying. The unicorns not coming.

So what are we not wanna do if we’re trying to adult like a pro? Don’t deny the things that you need to take care of and stop constantly delaying dealing with or postponing what needs to be done. So, stop kicking it down the road and thinking you’ll deal with that at a later date. Step up, get on it. So, that’s what-not-to-do.

What kind of behaviors can we replace it with? Realistically, so often the reason that we are denying things or pushing them down the road is that we don’t know how to deal with some of this real life adult stuff. Many of us have never been taught these essential life skills, like come on schools. Can we put this in a high school class or something? Honestly I’ve been in the States for seven years and although I’ve managed my way through it year on year, this is the first year I’m actually really confident that I finally understand the tech stuff. So many of us are just bumbling our way through so many of these things and it’s like we don’t wanna talk about it either ‘cause we don’t want our friends to know that we don’t have our stuff together. And so we kind of keep it all to ourselves and make it this to burn. The first place to start is to look straight at what you’re dealing with and recognize that “Yes, this stuff is probably going to take some effort but momentum is key and chipping away at the stuff that is stressing us out builds that momentum. And people, momentum feels better than an action every day. So it’s important to recognize that this stuff might not be easy, it’s probably not gonna be simple, but if you back yourself and give yourself the time to deal with it head on, it’s often not quite as overwhelming as you’ve built it up to be in your head either.

The analogy of that kid kind of thinking that there is a scary monster in the cupboard works really well here. So there’s a scary monster in the cupboard and as a kid, often the tendency is to hide and never ever get the courage to just go up to the cupboard and open it. And what happens, the problem gets scarier and scarier in our heads. And then one day, finally if you get the gumption to open the door, you might see that there was really nothing to be that afraid of. Maybe the monster is a shadow or a mouse but not this gigantic overwhelming situation that we can build it up to be in our heads. We do this as adults all the time. We avoid the things that we’re scared of and we make them out to be bigger than real life in our minds. Now, maybe there’s something that comes to mind to you. If you’ve been avoiding something, you’re probably thinking about it right now. Maybe it’s that you don’t know what to do about health insurance. How about you make a few calls to understand the situation more? Or perhaps you don’t know what to do with your taxes. Maybe you need to do some online research or reach out to an accountant rather than leaving it to the week you’re due to file. Or maybe you have bills and you don’t have the resources to pay them right now. What about looking for the mechanisms to receive some financial assistance or ringing the companies and talking about setting up realistic payment plans? What I’m saying here is that often if we face up and look directly at the things that might be making us want to sit on our couch and stare at our phones, we’ll feel so much better for taking responsibility for the situation and getting a little bit of momentum going. So the first point, look at what is overwhelming you and take some sort of action to move you closer towards getting a grip of it.

Now, not every thing is a big problem or a scary monster that needs to be slayed or solved. Sometimes adulting can just be the simple act of staying on top of daily life. I’m currently reading The Lazy Genius book and the author Kendra Adachi proposes asking yourself one question: what can I do now to make my life easier later? This is a reframe on that question or theme “What is one thing you can do now that your future self will thank you for?” But seriously, if you can get into the habit of asking yourself this on the daily, woah almighty it is a life changing.

Now, I’ve been trying to focus on this over the last twelve months and it has created simple shifts in my life that have massively reduced my stress level. Like I mentioned, this has to be a very intentional act for me. I don’t do the things now naturally that I’ll be grateful for later. I have a natural tendency to want to do it all later. My husband is the total opposite. He is like take care of business now and in the moment, so I know that this isn’t a need for everyone, but for those of you who could benefit, this is huge. So basically every day before you get going or maybe on Sundays before your weeks ramps up, I challenge you to consider what small actions you can take in that moment that will make your life easier later. Just so you can get a bit of an idea of what this has looked like in terms of application in my life, this is what I now know: none of it’s rocket science but seriously, it makes the biggest difference. So my mornings are way easier if I put my kids’ uniforms out the night before because people, sifting through a laundry basket when you’re already tight for time is not cool. My evenings are farly stressful if I’ve already considered what we’re gonna be having for dinner that night earlier in the day. My work feels so much better when I review what needs to be done on Monday and plot and make a plan for the rest of the week. I feel so much more in control of what is happening. If I put the dishwasher on it at the end of the night, the whole next day is in a better rhythm. And perhaps one of the things I wish I didn’t have to admit but I will ‘cause like I said I know I’m not the only person who has this tendency, I am so much happier if I save files in their correct folder the first time rather than having to go back and have a whole new task while I clean up my Dropbox. I’m sure you’re getting it but there are so many little things that I can do in the moment that if I was just going to my natural default, I would postpone that make my life that much easier later. This stuff is worth the effort people, It’s worth trying on this because it is life changing.

So, the practical takeaways, I do have a little exercise for you if you want to kick this up a notch and get serious. I shared it in the monthly newsletter that I mentioned at the start which you can also find a copy of over at heretothrive.com in the newsletter archives if you cannot stop and do this right now. But if you have a notebook here it goes:

Okay, so start with a fresh piece of paper to a new page, put a line horizontally down at the middle of that page. On the left hand side I want you to write “All the things that are stressing me out” at the top that can be header. And I want you to just mind dump all those little or big things that are taking up space in the back of your head or maybe right in the front like a giant rock. But literally just dump the things that are causing you pressure right now and make a little list.

Now, after you’ve done that, on the right hand side, I want you to put a new header “Actions I could take”. Now, these are all of the actions you can take to move ‒ get movement on the thing that is causing you pressure. It may resolve it, but it may just be taking the next step. Maybe you don’t know how to resolve it but the next right step is doing some research or making a phone call or any multitude of little actions.

So, I want you to now take the time to look at each one of those things that is causing you pressure or stressing you out, and then on that right hand column jot down a couple of ideas of things that you could possibly do to move that in the right direction, to get momentum. I feel like this should be called “Applied Adulting”. This is how you do it people. This is moving to action, so get on it.

Now, the second practical tip: embody that question “What can I do now to make my life easier later. By embody it, I mean live from it. Get into the habit of this is just a natural go-to for you. I love using this as a daily prompt. Now, until I read Kendra’s book, I didn’t use those exact words but I was always considering what can I do now that my future self will thank me for. What actions can I take now that I’ll be grateful for later. This is the question that stops me from kicking everything down the road and taking care of it when I see it. And I encourage you to really consider that one. Hey, maybe it’s the type of thing that you make a little bit of patience or it comes up as a little prompt on your phone every morning, however it works here. But look for ways to really love it. So adulting people, I know it may not be that sexy but living from a space of taking care of business, of not letting things pile up, it’s an easy way to live. It really does create a greater sense of ease and flow in our lives and reduces the unnecessary stress on us. So, please consider it. Please consider taking these actions to get on top of your stuff.

I really am excited to be back this year. I feel like 2021 has a new energy about it. I have a new energy about me and I feel reinvigorated and excited by this Here to Thrive projects, right, that we are all on this journey together with. As I mentioned at the start, Here to Thrive has its own new web home so please go and check it out ‒ heretothrive.com. Sign up for that Here to Thrive newsletter, you’ll only hear from me once a month and I promise that it will be useful and reflective and always include a resource. I hate spam so it’s not my thing. Please tell your friends about Here to Thrive. Honestly, I only really listen to something if someone tells me about it so if you can do that for Here to Thrive, that would mean so much to me. And your reviews, always wow. They ‒ they are why I do this, to know that you are out there and listening. So, thank you for taking the time to leave those reviews and if Here to Thrive has helped you in some way, it would mean so much to me if you could take a moment to leave a review where you listen. Finally head over to the website. If you do, like I said there is that Shop tab and there’s some free resources on there for you as well. You can also I find my Amazon bookshelf. Ah, so excited. So excited to have that new home for Here to Thrive if you can’t tell already.

My next guest is building on this adulting thing and she’s taking it into a more specialised place. She is a financial coach and so I’m excited to talk about how we can be more responsible with our money with her so stay tuned for that and I’ll be back in your earbuds lots this month before we roll into our regular schedule in March.

Ah, thank you for being here with me Here to Thrive listeners. It’s always a joy. Until next time!

Keep it thriving beautiful people, keep thriving.